This post is way off the usual content of this blog. It must be the hormones.
I am finishing up a photography class (It is amazing what a camera can do--when one knows what to do with it. I am still figuring it out). For one of the projects, I decided to photograph the buzy commercial street in Jackson Heights, Queens. It was the most instinctive idea--Jackson Heights speaks to me in multiple levels...one being my academic interest in Indian immigrant communities in the US.
Maybe it was also the most instinctive idea because lately, I have been thinking a lot more about living in the US. When I moved here five years ago, I was hit by the dilemma of status. Here I was--a woman graduate student from India figuring out her space within the United States (and for all that it stood for). I must admit I was overwhelmed, anxious, and perplexed--of how one builds sites of resistance and challenge in dominant spaces.
I was also suddenly "brown", and it brought a new dimension to my already struggling understanding of self. I was now a graduate student from a "Third World" country, elite and privileged by her middle class upbringing, and at the same time, a woman who has to now figure out a new way of understanding race, class, and social divisions. Further, I was an international student, simultaneously trying to find a place within US academy, and critically seeking to understand and challenge dominant western discourses. Many (actually, all) of these issues are a work in progress.
After five years, I find myself in a committed relationship. My partner is an American citizen--and through marriage, I am now a "permanent resident" in the United States. He says he is American by citizenship and Indian American by spirit. And he tosses and turns about this, very uncomfortably, every day. I feel for him--because I have the same discomfort--about citizenship, belonging, and nostalgia. Our experiences are polls apart, and yet we are caught in similar time-space continuums. We spend hours talking about our political sense, our sense of loss and gain, and our tight (im)balance between here and there. We, or I, for the most part, think about what this will mean for our child-to-be, for his or her journey "to belong."
23 comments:
A beautiful post, Rima. I really love reading your reflections on life. Lovely photographs as well.
Yes! I imagine that the impending arrival is making all of these issues churn ever more strongly inside! It's an ongoing struggle - I'm just back from a year in India, and only a superhuman effort is preventing me from going back this very instant. This is one of those things where time doesn't seem to make it easy, no?
Btw, gorgeous photographs! I love the one with Pakistanis for Bloomberg and the first one with the mannequins. Also, I like the new layout!
Great photos Rima! And I can really relate to all that you say here as well. Though since we know (I think, as much as anyone can "know") that we are here only temporarily, perhaps there is some difference I imagine. I think living in a non-native space really forces us to question our identity and it can be a challenge to figure out what and who we want to be. I love India, though find myself missing home and a sense of "belonging" far more these days. The funny part is when I am there (US), I also feel that I am changed and no longer quite belong. Ah well, who wants to stay static and unchanged huh? :)
NIce photos.. I think the second one is my fav (reading news).
I will blame the hormones... :-)
Hi-
I've been following your blog since you posted on the ripple-along. I just had to comment today because this post is so beautiful -both the photos and the subject matter! Thanks for sharing and congratulations on your pregnancy!
H
Beautiful photos, Rima. Where did you take your class at?
It's a life long struggle for me. I am basically a displaced person. This is my home, where I was born and where I feel comfortable. But I am looked at as a minority and immigrant. In Hong Kong, I am viewed differently, too. Like a different breed of Chinese that has American ways.
Beautiful photos! I love them all! Pregnancy is such a tumultuous time for a woman. Despite the fact that everyone seems to think the only things on our minds are baby clothes and nursery decorations. It makes you look at everything so differently and consider things that were there before but always in periphery. I went through some very strange but ultimately wonderful changes both before and especially after the birth of my son. Still am going through them actually. Wish I had thought to take some beautiful photos myself.
I loved reading this post Rima... I am someone who was born and raised here and i take a lot for granted i know. I can only imagine the feelings you have for your new life and the one you were born into. Thank you for making me think about this!
:) beautiful.
What vivid photographs. It's really interesting to hear your perspective...
Hope all is well with baby : )
Rima...I love this post! You are a wonderful photographer!
Thank you for sharing your insights... :)
Beautiful photos! I enjoyed reading about your perspective of living between/in two different worlds, too.
A thoughtful post for sure, Rima. I've lived here in the US/Minnesota my whole life, so I can't imagine what it's like to relocate to a completely different place. All's I know is that I'm certainly not as brave as you! Anyhoo, I love your pictures, too. :)
Lovely Rima. Dont worry about your child....he/she will be an American citizen by birth and eventually will inherit the best of both worlds. I have come to love America in the 4 years I have been here. I have realised people are the same everywhere, adjustments and compromises are needed all the time anywhere....just make the current place(wherever you are staying at any point of time) your home and the rest will follow :) Lovely pics. For a moment I thought you had clicked pics on Oak Tree Road...we used to go there all the time when we lived in NJ.
Loved reading your post. For me, it has always been a struggle to find where I belong or 'fit in'. Though not in the sense of the 'American Indian' thing, it is more of the sense of having parents from two different states of India, my husband being from yet another state and me belonging to the 'mixed breed' category - lol. Though I think this has its own benefits because you turn out with a much broader outlook on things. But yes the identity crisis has always been there and I don't think it will vanish anytime soon! Guess we are all humans first and other identities come in later.
Oh and I have the same concerns about our child, when that day arrives - where will he/she belong to? But I console myself with the thought that they will have a mixed cultural upbringing, which is always a good thing.
I always think that any person with a basic creative eye knows what to fit in a frame when he/she looks through the lens. With your creative eye being far from just basic the pictures are undoubtedly amazing!
Search for identity has been a life long struggle for me and I fear that it will be so forever...Meanwhile I'm just a citizen of the world!
My dear I so very much enjoy your take on life. You have a real eye for the camera.
wonderful thoughts...beautiful photos.
Great PHOTOS! Wow!
I'm Canadian, visited India 10yrs ago - and fell in love.
I loved the spirit of hospitality everywhere, and the COLORS - coming home seemed so drab and grey...perhaps it's the vibrant cultures that seem so much more prevalent and alive outside of NA that I'm attracted to...and I'm just a Heinz 57.
Lovely Pictures. really beautiful post! you have so beautifully put into words what I have been thinking about recently too.I always go thro' this struggle after visiting India.
I love your pictures. Your post made me think about all of the stuff that our kids are going through too. But eventually, everyone finds their "way" however interesting the journey is. Your cupcake will know that he belongs in a place where he is loved unconditionally - that will be his home.
love it! it really made me think about belonging and identity. thank you!
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